everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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