So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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