Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
