so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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