Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
