shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
