Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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