my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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