I heard we made out
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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