He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
