You really coming over, don't trick.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
