We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
