She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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