that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
