I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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