I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
