You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
