i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
