I just pynch a tree in the face
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize