My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
