yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
