I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
