I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
