Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
