The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
