Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
