im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
