Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The power of my boobs compel you
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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