Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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