At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
