I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
