it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
