Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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