I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
