They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
