Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
