I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
