Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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