I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
