I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
