Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
