the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My bed smells like the plague
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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