just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I deserve this hangover.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
