she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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