you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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