The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize