just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
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