I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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