Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize