i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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