No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
