U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
