ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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