If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
