i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
