the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
