Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
