office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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