I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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