Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
