I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
