I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
