Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
