Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
