Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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